chaos in my head

I decided that this is going to be my online journal so to speak. I'm not going to worry about grammar, or what anyone else is going to think. I'm just going to write to my hearts content. I have a problem with bottling my feelings anyway... Why is it that this world has nobody that you can really share your feelings with, without them judging you? I even do it, its very rare but its still not okay with me. It actually makes me very angry at myself when I catch myself doing it. BUT I feel like I'm the only person that I know that even cares enough to try to not judge. Which is actually kinda hypocritical... Its just that, the way I see it is; you can have your feelings about things, but that doesn't mean that the person is a bad person OR a good person. They have their own feelings and emotions going on in their heads. And you never know how close to yours they may be. So be nice to ppl. Even if they don't deserve it. And filter yourself before you speak. I hear a lot of ppl say that they are just being real, but "real" isn't mean. Mean is a lack of maturity in my book. There is always a way to word something to not hurt someones feelings or stab at their pride. Usually when you do that its more damaging. I think everyone needs a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. I for one need to read it again, its been yrs. And I have to say.... I'm even losing my touch. I'm becoming hard and prideful. The only person I'm hurting is myself. As much as I'm trying to protect my heart, I'm making it bitter. I just need to learn how to forgive the people that have really hurt me. Forgive and forget. Let it go. Breath. I want to be the girl I was when I was 17. I was naive. But lord was I nice, I had a nice thought for everyone and was so understanding. It breaks my heart that I changed, but I have grown in other ways that are extremely important. I'm not naive. And I can look at myself and say that I do have a wonderful heart. I can say that I wish I was my own best friend. And maybe that's what this journal is all about. Me finding myself and guiding myself along the way. I have to start from somewhere.